Promising Forever
by Ms.Chelle
Summary: She's been questioning herself about her wedding while her groom is just sleeping beside her. Did she made the right choice to marry him?


_I still don't own NCIS..._

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NCIS Director Jennifer Shepard was engaged to the most perfect guy that she had ever met. Although he was eight years her senior, age was never an issue between them. He had these gorgeous blue eyes that make her blush whenever she saw him looking at her. He had this silver hair that she loves to mess with her hands. He had these strong calloused hands that contradict her soft ivory skin. He had these sweet devious lips that make her knees weak whenever he kisses her. He had a tough muscular body that can make her scream in ecstasy at night.

He had been sweet and understanding underneath that hardcore exterior. He always made sure that the conflicts at work will not be dragged inside his or her home. He had been caring especially now that he knows about her medical condition but he was not too caring to the extent that he does not let her handle her own.

He was the perfect guy for her. He makes her happy. Actually, she was too happy that sometimes she wonders if it's real.

But why does she feel that there's a hole in her chest that can't be filled with the happiness that he's giving her? Why does she felt alone and empty every night even though he's just sleeping underneath her naked body? Why does every time that she hears his heartbeat, it was an unfamiliar sound made by a stranger that she never met?

More importantly, why is she thinking all of this even though she is going to marry him the day after tomorrow?

She sighed deeply and closed her eyes because honestly, she didn't want to know what the real answer is because she knew how much it will hurt her and him.

She woke up in the morning few minutes before her alarm went off. When she looked up to see his face, she found out that he was already awake and watching her. She smiled and gave him a good morning kiss then she wondered why she even questioned herself about marrying him. She was supposed to be content with this man on her bed.

They flawlessly got ready to work and did the usual routine whenever they're staying at her house. She was always the first one to go to the office with her protection detail. And he was the last one to get out to check the whole vicinity of that Georgetown mansion of hers and lock the doors.

It had been a busy Friday at the office. The endless meetings and operations kept her in MTAC all day and all she wanted to do is to rest. But of course, though it's already past midnight, she had one last meeting with her two least favorite people, her boss and her 'replacement.' She had a meeting with SecNav Phillip Davenport and Assistant Director Leon Vance to finalize the schedule of meetings, missions, conferences and other important gatherings that Leon Vance will attend during her two weeks leave due to her honeymoon.

Finally, everything is finished. She can finally go home and sleep though she knew that sleeping would be a problem because of her nerves that came out because of her upcoming wedding. She glanced at her assistant's desk and smiled that finally Cynthia understood that she should not wait for her especially on a Friday night.

When she unlocked her inner office's door, she was kind of shocked to find the man who captured her heart nine years ago. Though she was shocked, she didn't show it and put on the Director facade. It seemed that he was waiting for her. By the way that he looked, she decided that it was better to lock the door because it seems that this is not a social visit.

His head was on both of his hands and his elbows rested on his parted knees. He looked weak and defeated. She had never seen the great Leroy Jethro Gibbs in this state ever before, even in Europe. She wanted to hold him and to whisper near his ear that everything will be alright but she knew better that it would do anything good.

A thought came into her. What if he is in this state because of the wedding? Her heart rate started to escalate and she tried to slow it down. She wondered if he knew about her doubts about the wedding. She tried to shake that thought away from her head and know why he is in her office. "Jethro, what are you still doing here?" her voice showed how tired she was and her own brand of concern was clinging on every word that she uttered.

It felt like hours when he spoke but only a few minutes passed by. "Need to talk to you, Jen." He finally said without looking at her. She waited for a continuation of that but it seemed that she was going to fish for details.

"Is this about the Jefferson case?" she asked but she knew that that's not it.

"You're not a fool, Jen" he simply rejected what she said and informed her about something that she knows where to apply.

"It's about the wedding, isn't it?" she finally said it straight. But she wasn't ready to face the answer. She was afraid that their talk now might change everything. She was afraid that this talk will be the reason to postpone or cancel the wedding.

She didn't know if she should be relieved or worried when he shook his head. She swallowed hard when his deep blue eyes finally met her dark greens. Their gaze locked for a moment and then he broke it off by looking at her desk. She was kind of confused at what he was looking at and when she walked towards it, she saw what was on her table.

It was a piece of paper that states his retirement. It was from him. From Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

It felt like her heart stopped beating.

She whipped her head to look at him and saw that he was already standing with his hands in his pockets. She looked betrayed at what she discovered but she knew that she deserved this. It is his version of their last day in Paris. She couldn't believe that a single piece of paper could make her slowly dying inside.

Those blue eyes of his told her that he was serious about this retirement. It seemed that his decision cannot be changed anymore. And she knew for a fact that once Leroy Jethro Gibbs made up his mind, his mind is already made up. So now, all she can do is to file the papers. There's no more talk in the basement to make him come back or filing it as a vacation like what she did two years ago.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she forgot that he was leaving, so she asked when will he retire.

"This weekend… Maybe Sunday," he answered with a straight face "I'll go back to Mexico." Then that means that this is the last time that she'll see him because she knew for a fact that he will not go to her wedding. While she was still processing what was happening, he continued talking. "Tony's in charge…" he kept talking but she can't hear his words anymore because the loud beating of her heart was echoing throughout her body. He'll be gone during the day of her wedding. Is that really his intention? Leaving her at what was supposed to be the best day of her life? She felt weak. Her knees started to buckle but his strong hands found her arms and took her to the couch.

"Jen, you alright?" his straight face mask was replaced by concern.

She nodded but shook her head at the last moment and managed to voice out a cracked question, "Jethro… I… Why?"

He sighed deeply. She was waiting for an answer but one of her details unlocked the door and poked his head. He yelled at his back, "Found her!" then faced the Director again and saw Gibbs. "I'm sorry Director, I didn't see Agent –" Jenny's raised hand stopped him from speaking to let him get straight to the point. "Your fiancée is waiting for you downstairs, should I send him here?"

She wanted to tell her detail to let her 'fiancée' wait downstairs but Gibbs stood up and head towards the door without looking back. He told her detail to send her fiancée here in a tone with a raw emotion.

Before he can escape through that door, she finally called him, "Jethro."

Her voice was full of longing and something that he couldn't point out. It simply made him stop with his tracks.

She wanted to tell him to stay or maybe extend their last time together. But then he looked back just before stepping out of her door he said, "You made your bed," he coldly added, "_Director_."

Gibbs met her fiancée, a four star general stationed in Pentagon, in her doorway. The men exchange nods then and walked in opposite directions. She wished that men in her life could easily exchange like that but she knew better. It was not as easy like that. Her life was a complete mess. After two days, she will never see the man that she loves again. After two days, she will promise forever with the man that makes her happy. After two days her life will change forever.

After two days of fighting with her mind and heart, she was standing in front of the altar, still thinking of the man who was currently on the plane to Mexico while her future husband was waiting for her to say 'I do.' She inhaled deeply and looked at him. He was so much like Jethro but she knew that he can never replace Jethro even if she was going to marry him so she shook her head.

"I… I… can't. I'm really sorry," she apologized with her heart and her eyes started to form the tears that wanted to escape since Jethro left her office.

"You love him," he wasn't asking for her confirmation, he was just telling himself that he should've seen this coming. He really tried to give her happiness from the very beginning but it seems that he wasn't the one who can give her that.

She nodded. "I haven't stopped. I'm so sorry but I really liked you." She tried to look at him straight but he already faced the altar so he wouldn't have to look at her when he said his last words to her. "I know. I just…" he sighed. Nothing could make this better. "Just follow him, Jenny."

She whispered "thank you," while touching his arm. Then, she ran away with her pretty white dress and leaving the strange looks and gasps from the visitors.

Tony appeared outside the cathedral and she was relieved because maybe he could help her find Jethro's plane but the dull look on his face told her that something's wrong. He opened his mouth but Jenny talked first. "I know he's gone, Tony. I need to follow him." She took him by the arm and told him to drive to the airport but Tony stood still.

She glared at her senior field agent and ordered him in a tone that can make anyone shiver. She doesn't need this stubbornness right now. She needs to follow _him_. She needs _him_. It was just too bad that it took her this long to realize that. "DiNozzo, I'm ordering you to drive me –"

"Jenny," his voice was hoarse. She stiffened for a second. He had never called her like that after the La Granouille fiasco. He grabbed her by the arm though she tried to fight it. "He's gone."

"I know that's why –" She forced her way out of his grip but he held her tighter.

He made her look straight into his eyes to tell her how serious he is. "No. He's gone. Gibbs… is gone."

She looked confused. What did he mean that Jethro's gone? She stopped fighting and listened to the younger agent.

"His plane…" he started in a calm voice. And then she realized what he was telling her. Her tears are filling her eyes. She already made a conclusion about what he will say… "was hijacked. He never made it to Mexico. There were terrorists and..." it was so clear to her that he cannot continue what he was supposed to say. Saying it out loud makes the truth easier to believe but harder to bear.

Her mind was whirling. It cannot be. It just…

"He… Gibbs…" Tony tried to explain.

That was when Ziva joined them. She glanced a sympathy look on her partner. She touched her friend's arm. "He saved a lot of lives, Jenny, but it cost his."

"No…" She shook her head. She felt so weak. Her knees started to buckle. Soft sobs filled the silence. She felt someone enveloped her into a warm embrace but there is no warmth inside her knowing that he's gone... forever. She will never _ever_ see him again.

And what hurts her the most is that she knew that Gibbs knows that she still loves him after all these years and yet she chose to marry the man she left at the altar.

Now, he will never know that she chose him. He will never know that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him and make up for wrong choices that she made all those years ago.

He will never know… because he left her… forever… and it's her fault that he was on that plane.

* * *

_I was listening to Rihanna's Unfaithful and this just popped..._

_- Chelle_


End file.
